SKILLMAN, NJ—A month into one of its best competition seasons, Team 1403 Cougar Robotics is announcing its plans to break off from FIRST in favor of SECOND, the Society of Excellence in the Creation of Newfangled Doohickeys.
“We had a great run with FIRST, but we feel our days with the program are numbered,” commented captain Paul McYang, “It’s just that we feel that our student members may benefit more from SECOND.
Unlike FIRST, SECOND does not focus specifically on robots. Rather, its name necessarily implies that students can build a variety of devices, known as doohickeys, to solve the game challenge every year at the end of June, when FIRST students would normally be relaxing and using their lives productively. “Unlike FIRST, this program focuses on engineering in general, not just robots,” President Obama explained, “The American economy indeed needs more skilled and talented young men and women, not only in the field of robotics, but also in the field of doohickeys if America is to remain the innovation capital of the world.”
The board of SECOND declined to comment, but expressed its emphatic support for 1403. Chief Executive Speechmaker Shaan Zhang welcomes the team with open arms. “We think their ability to write manuals and handbooks will help considerably in our eventual goal of creating a manual of world domination.”
The first doohickey that Team 1403: Cougar Robotics will compete in this year is for the event Fantastic Felines. The goal of this event is to create an incredibly cute cat-like object. Cougar Robotics’ doohickey, whom the team affectionately termed Frisby, is a large, lifelike Bobcat with a love of flying discs and Mayan pyramids. “We’re really excited about this doohickey,” explained Keyur K., who came up with the idea all by himself and is rather proud of the accomplishment.
In related news, Team 1403 also wishes a happy April 1st to all. While there are no major holidays on this day, it is still important for some reason.